Oh my god! (3)

College chick: Any party that you have to lube up your hand to get into just isn't worth it.

--Christopher St


Professor: I don't understand these Taliban guys. 27 virgins! 27 virgins! Who wants to spend eternity with a bunch of beginners?

--Classroom, FIT


Mother, watching a clown holding a briefcase walk onto the train: [to child] Look, honey, it's a funny clown!... [to husband] Do you think he has a bomb in that briefcase?

--F train



Mother to young child, after ghetto girl passes: No, honey, she's not a clown. She just likes to dress that way.

--95th & Madison



Hipster guy: I erased two years of my life with drugs. Two solid years! But I'm too smart to erase more than that.

--Chinatown bus


Woman on cell: So he gave me this huge body hug...and he was covered in vaseline!

--34th St


Drunk girl: Seriously, is this what it's come to? My stomach fat covers my vagina?

--Four Faced Liar, West 4th St


Drunk guy talking to cop about his drunk friend hiding behind a lightpost: Can you see him? Can you see my friend, fucker? Damn straight you can't, he's got his camouflage on bitch.

--1St & 1St


Hipster girl: I have a friend who went down on a cab driver...Actually, I have two friends who have gone down on cab drivers!

--Upper West Side

Restaurant patron: Wait, you are telling me you never wake up in the middle of the night and think you're still in jail?

--Mottsu Soho


Bimbette: Because, really, what good is throwing a porn party if you can't get drunk enough to disregard your butt?

--Harlem